22 March, 2011

Here we go again

101 degrees bought us another ticket to the big house.

In the thick of It

I suppose that this moment of realization is just another milestone.  Another step that those who have gone this way before know so well.  As the ever changing tides of challenges and difficulties ebb and flow from our life, we are constantly having to reevaluate what it is that we are up against.  I understand now that this road will consist of many different segments.  Some will repeat, their familiarity providing a bit of comfort in actually recognizing what to expect.  And many will be unique, providing new trials for which we must constantly adapt.  Currently, we find ourselves in the crux of a rather trying and testing segment.  We're doing fine, just getting a little battle scared and ruck weary.  I guess what I am trying to say is that we now feel like we truly grasp how tough this will be.

I want to take a minute and sincerely thank everyone for help that we have, or are receiving.  And contrary to how this will likely present, I don't intend for it to be the obligatory, flippant, politely expected "thanks".  Know that I am truly thankful to every single person who  has offered anything to my family.   I have tried to help people with anything that I could for most of my life.  I may not be the guy who's sending you a card on your birthday, but when your roof is leaking, your in trouble, or just need a hand, I take pride in being the first one there.  But I promise you if you haven't experienced it, its a whole different lesson being the recipient of help..especially when it truly does help.  In the beginning there is such an overwhelming outpouring of support, that you just don't know how to deal with it.  You aren't even sure whats going on and what you will need and your having to turn people away from helping.  And that's  an extremely important occurrence in my opinion.  As its during those first darkest times that we were just crushed and a little lost, that we needed uplifting at every turn.  Now we are a few months into this, and our needs of help continually evolve.  People have of course had to get back to normalcy in their lives.  In fact I feel terribly guilty every time we ask someone to babysit or do something, we are such a burden to be friends with.  Although people still care, they have their own problems and concerns to deal with. However, Somebody from the Oakwood  firehouse may want to run by the church, as far as I can tell that place must have burnt down.

I guess what I am struggling to effectively say is thanks for those who helped in the beginning, we couldn't have made it through the worst time of our lives without you.  You lifted us up, dusted us off, and got us on the road.  And thanks to those who are still helping, of which we know we can never do this without you.  Now that we are back on the road, you are providing the sustenance for us to continue.  Help now is in the form of "see a need, fill a need".  And I submit that help given in this truly utilitarian manner, when I know its not easy, convenient nor fashionable, truly humbles me the most.  And I sincerely appreciate every single sentiment or act more every day.  When its 3 am, and we need to go to the hospital, its a terrifying experience.  The fact that my wife can pick up the phone, and get a hold of someone to take the kids in the middle of the night is amazing.  I mean how do you ask someone to do that?  How do you wake a mother or family who already has a house full of work and responsibilities in the middle of the night and ask for help?  Well it has happened a few times, and I hope that I can someday fully convey my level of appreciation to those who have opened their hearts and doors to us in this way.

Last night was stressful.  It started out perfect enough.  We picked up the kids from their stay away while we were in the hospital, someone was kind enough to bring us by a welcome home dinner and we were relaxing in the cool evening. The first night with all of us back home from the hospital, we're just wanting a quiet evening at home and Robert's fever spikes.  Instant stress.  Kasie is giving Robert a bath, I'm packing a bag for the hospital, we're tense and snipping at each other for no reason...it was miserable.  It was like a switch was thrown.  Luckily we held of on the hospital trip a bit longer than we were supposed to, his temp cooled back down, and we got to spend a night at home.  We learned a few things from this experience, how to communicate with each other under stress and how to help each other with what we each need in these situations.  Also that in this period of treatment, every single night is subject to change.  Every trip to the hospital could be hours or days.  Hopefully when we get passed the required hospital admissions in a couple months, we will get a break from the uncertainty.  Its draining.